I’m starting the year with a Margie Lawson course: Defeating Self-Defeating Behaviours and my eyes are opening wide as I analyse myself, identify my own dragons, and identify tools to slay them.
Yesterday, I made my lists of things I could achieve in the time available, and extra things if I conquered the first list. Out of five things I put on the first list, I only achieved two. I spent the rest of my time sucked into the vortex of the internet, not even thinking about clicking my ruby slippers to get back home.
After wondering why I was seduced so completely by the Procrastination Dragon yesterday, I thought about it and realised that my particular dragon is a two-headed fire-breathing beast. It’s first head is called Self-Doubt. It’s a nasty little beast and singes me with its flames of ‘You’re not good enough!’, ‘Why do you think you can do this?’ etc. Then the ‘Procrastination’ head sings to me, a soothing lullaby, takes me by the hand, shows me shiny time-wasting treasures on the internet, and completely leads me astray. Procrastination always follows the damage inflicted by Self-Doubt. Sometimes Procrastination can turn up without the Self-Doubt, but generally the two cannot be separated: hence my two-headed dragon.
I’m only in week 1 of this month long course. By the end of the course, I hope to have enough tools to slay this two-headed dragon. And if I can’t slay him, I’d like to at least stun him or tranquilise him long enough to creep past him and do what I have to do.
A few years ago I had a very strange dream about dragons. I dreamt that I was living inside a dragon. Her stomach was my lounge room. Very odd. I couldn’t make sense of it at the time, though I knew that I had a total feeling of comfort and security. Living inside the dragon was not a bad thing.
But maybe it was a bad thing. Maybe I was stuck inside my comfort zone. And the combination of the memory of the dream and the identification of my two-headed dragon now tells me it’s time to move out of the comfort zone, and slay the dragon. Wish me luck!